


we danced all around it somehow

by adamngoodbatch (sibbed)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Eddie Diaz, Gen, Jealous Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Misunderstandings, Other, POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Pining, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25132399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sibbed/pseuds/adamngoodbatch
Summary: Eddie is flirting with a man, a stranger. In scrubs.Eddie is smiling and batting his eyelashes at the man in those scrubs that hug his muscles in all the right places and Buck is confused.Fuck his luck.Or Eddie meets with his HS sweetheart during a call and Buck gets J-E-A-L-O-U-S
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 119
Kudos: 445





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blueboxtardis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueboxtardis/gifts).



> May said: im thinking eddie meets his hs sweetheart again in an accident and everyone is like, "boyfriend??" Eddie: "yeah its not a big deal??"
> 
> And WELL I HAD TO  
> I JUST HAD TO
> 
> Also, there's an astounding lack of jealous buck and I'm here to fix it

From the moment the alarm blares through the station, they know the call is one hundred percent medical. But since it involves a vehicle halted in the middle of the street, Bobby decides to go out with the whole team. 

Buck is tired and in a weird mood. He feels a bit out of it and he doesn’t understand what he’s going to be doing there, more than securing the scene for the team. 

Definitely weird mood. 

He never laments over getting to tag along for any call, even if it’s just medical, but today, for once, he wanted to stay back at the station, be the man behind; and he doesn’t know why. 

So, most definitely weird mood or, how he likes to call it, intuition: there will be something about this call that will irk him. Something is going to happen that will push him off the ledge. His intuition never fails him.

Regarding this weird mood of his and a possible explanation, Buck won’t let himself think about the many ways in which this little dance he’s been playing with his best friend has changed him. He’s lost count of the versions of himself that he’s burned through. But this one, the current one has to be his favorite. He’s comfortable in his own skin. He’d lay down his life for his chosen family. 

There’s also the fact that he’s very much in love. 

In love as, he thinks, he’s never been before. And the main problem is he suspects this love of his is also very much unrequited.

They’ve had moments, Eddie and him. They’ve had intimate moments and domestic moments. They’ve even had flirty moments. Even some sort of lovers’ quarrel moments.

Thinking about these moments consumes him. But he also understands how much is at stake and if he has somehow read it wrong, he could be setting himself to lose everything and he’s not willing to risk it.

So he stares and he pines and he yearns from the sidelines. 

The fact that nothing out of the ordinary happened in the last couple of days, makes this mood of his even less comprehensible, but he’s tired and sometimes he’ll just accept his weird mood as it comes. It’s just something that happens to him.

The moment their truck starts approaching the scene, Buck sees the car stopped in the middle of the street. The traffic light is green and luckily there’s no one around. By the side of the black car, there’s an old man laying on the floor and above him, a very beefy and ripped younger man in green scrubs, is giving him CPR. And with good rhythm nonetheless. 

Buck and Eddie get out of the truck as Hen and Chimney rush toward the men to take over the reanimation efforts. 

Bobby instructs Eddie to join and assist them and tells Buck to stay with him to assess their surroundings and secure the scene. “Lucky there’s no one trying to drive through.”

“Yeah. If this happened during the week, it’d be chaos.” 

There’s movement where the team is working and Buck takes notice of Eddie’s hand placed over the blond beefcake’s shoulder. Buck watches in awe as Eddie shakes him a little and he falls on his ass over the asphalt. He wants to walk over there and do something. Mark his territory, even if he doesn’t have a right or a claim over that territory. Still, he doesn’t know why Eddie touching a stranger makes him feel so uncomfortable. Maybe this is the  _ thing. _ It’s probably what his intuition was trying to tell him before.

As he watches Hen and Chimney coordinate their CPR effortlessly as ever, Eddie is left to check on the man in scrubs. Buck feels staked to the floor where he’s standing, can’t avert his eyes from the scene. Eddie is flirting with the man. 

Eddie is flirting with  _ a  _ man, a stranger. In scrubs. 

Eddie is smiling and batting his eyelashes at the man in those scrubs that hug his muscles in all the right places and Buck is confused.

Fuck his luck.

Also, fuck his intuition.

Bobby coughs and puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder. “Buck, go check on her.” He points to a woman, Buck assumes the old man’s wife. She is hyperventilating and holding onto her cellphone as if her life depended on it.

When he approaches her, he makes a first assessment: she’s talking, her breaths are jaded and her tone is monotonous. She’s clearly in shock. 

“He’s dead, Dad’s dead, we were-” she sobs and continues repeating like a litany, “-dad’s dead, he’s dead, he’s dead, Sophie.” Her eyes stare into the distance, filled with tears. Buck moves to stands right in front of her and tries to gently pry her thoughts back into reality.

“Excuse me? Hey, hi. I’m Evan. What’s your name?” he talks slow and sweetly and the woman looks up into his eyes.

“Amanda.”

“Amanda, he’s not dead, ok? Listen, they are working hard to bring him back.” 

“Arthur? he’s not-” she hiccups, “-not dead?” Another sob escapes her lips and Buck hears as someone is screaming on the phone.

“No, he’s not.”

“Oh,” she says and rubs at her eyes. “Sophie, I- he’s not-” Whoever is on the other side of the line is still screaming and Buck hears as they ask the woman to put him on the phone at the same time as Amanda is shoving the phone into his hands and turning around to look at her husband.

“Hi.”

“Yes, I’m Sophie, she told me my father is dead. What the hell is going on?”

“Your father collapsed while driving, they are giving him CPR as we speak and getting him ready to move him to the hospital.”

At that, Amanda looks at him again, hopeful and grateful. Buck passes her the phone and leads her away. He hears Chimney say that the man, Buck now knows is named Arthur, got a pulse and they are going to load him on the ambulance. 

“Tell Sophie to meet you and Arthur at the hospital.” He steers Amanda and starts slowly guiding her towards them.

Hen and Chimney load them both into the ambulance and they take off.

Buck stares from a distance as Eddie and the prime hunk of a man, clearly some sort of healthcare worker, talk. 

Eddie’s face is as red as a tomato. And he looks a bit awkward and maybe even self-conscious  _ but still. _

Buck feels something break inside of him. Eddie might look awkward, but still, he is shamelessly flirting with the blond hottie who’s still panting from the effort of giving CPR.

Eddie has his phone out and is typing something on it while the other man laughs and shoves him lightly on the shoulder. Buck feels his heart skip quite a few beats, he has his stomach in a knot while there’s bile rising to his mouth.

“Who the hell is that?” Buck mutters. There’s another question he doesn’t let out:  _ why the hell is Eddie getting all flustered and flirty with him. _

Bobby pats him in the back. “No idea.” 

“We going?” he asks Bobby, taking a step toward the truck and then another, eyes still fixed on Eddie’s mystery man. He hangs on the side of the truck absentmindedly.

“Yes,” he nods curtly, “hey, Diaz, we’re leaving.”

“‘Kay, Cap.” Eddie turns around and Buck’s heart constricts in his chest when Eddie hugs the stranger. “Nice seeing you again, Tuck.” 

_ Tuck.  _

Buck is far away but he clearly hears Eddi’s voice. 

He has to be losing his mind. Who the fuck is Tuck and why on earth is Eddie flustered by his presence and hugging him. Exchanging phone numbers. 

Being friendly. 

Eddie’s not friendly.

Oh god, he’s going to throw up. He climbs into the truck and finally sits down.

The ride back to the station is silent. Buck keeps sending glances Eddie’s way, but he turns his head back to the window and sighs. Every. Single. Time. He needs to stop sighing like a scorned lover. That’s not what he is.

And more importantly, that’s not what they are.

* * *

Four hours and three calls later, Buck has worked himself up, mind running through all possible scenarios where Eddie could be flirting with a man. He needs to know what happened and he can’t wait until they are off shift. Eddie has asked him at least ten times if he is okay, and Buck can’t keep avoiding the obvious. 

“So, Eds, who was that?” Buck finally manages to spit it out. He tries to sound nonchalant and only a little curious. Not jealous, just  _ curious. _ By the look Chimney gives him from behind the book he’s reading, he has failed monumentally.

“Mhmm? Who?” Luckily, Eddie’s distracted, sipping on his coffee; his fourth coffee of the day, if Buck’s counting is right. 

Since when does he count the number of coffee cups Eddie has during the day. Probably since the beginning of time itself. He’s so screwed.

“The guy.”

“What guy?”

“Don’t play coy with me, Diaz.”

Eddie laughs and it comes from his belly. It’s not the kind of laugh he usually shares while at work, this type of laugh is more private, the type that he shares in the privacy of his home with Buck and Chris. Sometimes with Isabel.

Buck doesn’t understand why Eddie’s being so carefree. Where this comfortable and gleeful attitude comes from. And he’s not amused. 

He huffs as he sits down beside Eddie, pressing their thighs together, even if the rest of the couch is empty. Who cares anymore. If he’s going down this path at least he’s going to comfort himself with Eddie’s heat.

“Tucker was- we were high school sweethearts, we dated for four years. It was all very hush-hush back then, though. You know, Texan catholic-raised bisexual was not an easy thing to be back in the early two-thousands. Or now even.” The look on Buck’s face must be priceless because Eddie is staring at him in delight and kind of wide-eyed. “What?”

“You-” Buck chokes on his own tongue and coughs, he needs to rein it in right the fuck now. Shake the shock off.  _ Conceal, don’t feel, Buckley, be like Elsa _ . “Tucker, you said?” 

And Buck’s trying. He’s trying so hard to play it cool but he knows Eddie will see through him like he always does.

“Yeah, he moved to LA a month ago, it seems. He’s starting a new job here, running an ICU at some hospital, he’s an intensivist.”

“Oh.” Eddie’s high school sweetheart is a man. A very handsome doctor. And Buck is reeling.

“And we haven’t spoken in years, so we exchanged numbers and we’re going to meet. Just to catch up, you know? After we split during college we never spoke again.”

“Right, yeah, to catch up.” Buck really is trying but his words come out bitter and cold. He stands up and starts to leave, crossing paths with Hen who gives him a questioning look. He shakes his head and lets it hang low, waving a dismissing hand at her. “Forget about it.”

Hen takes a seat beside Eddie. “What’s up with him?”

“No idea,” Eddie responds and it’s the last thing Buck hears before walking down the stairs to the gym.

He works out. He pushes and pulls and sweats until his muscles feel raw and his brain is empty. No Eddie and no Tucker in mind. Empty from hope, trying to lighten his heart. He doesn’t dare believe that maybe Eddie could reciprocate his feelings. No. That’s a dangerous thought to have.

Eddie’s not interested in him that way and he never will be. They are best friends, and this right here and right now needs to be the end of this train of thought. 

Past moments be damned.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s seven am on a beautiful Tuesday morning when Buck enters the station. Hen and Chimney are standing in the locker room and seem to be interrogating Eddie in hushed voices.
> 
> As he walks over to them, they stop talking. “What are you whispering about?”
> 
> Hen and Chim share a look and they both simultaneously open their mouths to respond. “We’re not whispering.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have no freaking idea which is a good medical center to go work at in LA, so I just picked one at random from google

It’s seven am on a beautiful Tuesday morning when Buck enters the station. Hen and Chimney are standing in the locker room and seem to be interrogating Eddie in hushed voices.

As he walks over to them, they stop talking. “What are you whispering about?”

Hen and Chim share a look and they both simultaneously open their mouths to respond. “We’re not whispering.”

“Mhmm.”

“I was telling them about Tucker. We met for coffee yesterday.”

So Eddie and Tucker had a date. That- that hurts. Okay, he can admit that and move past it. “Ah, good ol’ Tucker.”

“Yeah, I guess, good ol’ Tuck.” 

Chimney laughs and Eddie squints at him, elbowing him on the ribs. “Dude, come on.” 

Buck ignores them. Contradiction overwhelms him. He wants to pry every bit of information out of Eddie without sounding too obvious, but he also wants to just put these feelings behind him. “So, how was it?” the question escapes his mouth before he gets to contain it.

“It was great. He’s changed so much, and yet he seems the same kid I remember. He followed the path we actually planned together almost to a tee.”

Hen winks at Buck, there’s something hidden behind her eyes. “Oh, so you two had a plan together?” 

“I- we did, yes.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence and Buck opens his mouth to ask something, but he feels Hen’s hand grab him by his forearm and squeeze gently. Buck lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Care to elaborate?” Hen presses on. She’s taking over the interrogation, she’s helping Buck satiate his need to know every little detail about Eddie’s past with this other man without leaving him out in the open. God bless Henrietta Wilson.

“Yes, right, we went to college together and we were going to go to med school together too, but after sophomore year we had a big fallout and our paths just diverged. Deeply. After that, I met Shannon a few months later and, well, the rest is history.”

“So army medic was sort of a way to try and keep on track?” Hen keeps at it and Buck could kiss the ground where she stands.

“Maybe, it’s something I always loved. I wanted to be a Trauma surgeon. It suddenly wasn’t possible for me back then.”

“How come?”

“Money issues, parents issues, family issues. Life, you know, those annoying things that tend to get in the way of our hopes and dreams.”

Hen and Chim nod and they remain silent as they just stare at Eddie. Buck’s mind is having a field trip with the info-dump he just heard. Eddie never told him any of this. And he’s never one to talk much about himself at all. Least of all in front of everyone. 

So this is new. Eddie being so open in front of all of them and not only with Buck. 

Buck realizes this Tucker guy and his sudden presence in Eddie’s life might be having some repercussions and both hope and dread creep up on him.

And then, just when his brain is going on a loop, Hen says she wants to meet the guy. And Eddie agrees. 

In an instant Hen and Eddie arrange to go to their usual brewery on their next day off to get to know Tucker. But for Buck, this is too much. Who is this Eddie and what did he do with the original one. He wants his grumpy antisocial reserved Eddie back. Right now.

Ugh, why can’t he just let this stupid crush go? 

The alarm blares through the station and they rush to get ready for another call. 

Buck sighs while he runs down the stairs.  _ Saved by the bell. _

* * *

Eddie walks into the bar and waves at Buck. His smile is blinding and Buck’s heart is playing the most erratic song inside his chest. It’s been happening a lot lately. Just the mere sight of Eddie sends Buck to the verge of a heart attack. The following few seconds Buck feels himself deflate at the sight. Walking behind Eddie, Tucker is making his way through the door. He’s got one hand on Eddie’s shoulder while they wade through the crowd toward the cashier. They place their order and grab their beers.

“Guys, this is Tucker.” Eddie takes a seat beside Chimney, across from Buck, and Tucker follows suit and sits beside him. “Chim, Hen, and Buck.”

“Hey, heard a lot about you three these last couple of days.”

“Same, man, welcome to LA.” Chimney is all smiles and chuckles, exchanging glances with Hen. And Buck finds it irritating.

“Cheers to that.” Tucker raises his glass and Chimney clings it with his. “What a city.”

“Have you been here long?”

“No, just a few days. Running into this one was kind of a miracle.” 

Tucker is touching Eddie again, his hand on Eddie’s bicep, and making eyes at him too. Buck hasn’t uttered a word since they arrived and Eddie’s eyes are fixed on him. 

“And you’re a doctor, right?” Chimney asks.

“Yes, I just moved here to start a new job at a medical ICU. I had the last interview the other day, so I’ll probably start working soon.”

“That’s great! Where would that be?”

“Westwood. UCLA Medical Center.”

Hen nods. Chimney and her continue talking with Tucker, but for Buck, it’s all white noise. He knows in his heart he should make an effort and include himself in the conversation. He should at least nod. Or laugh when they laugh. 

Just pretend everything is alright. Just pretend he can be happy for Eddie.

Even though he isn’t. And nothing is alright.

Buck’s fascination with Eddie’s eyes ends abruptly when Hen grabs him by the shoulder and waves her empty glass at him. “Your turn, Buckaroo.” 

He stands up and looks around the table, noticing most glasses are empty or almost getting there. “Another round?”

Eddie blinks at him. “Pint of IPA for me. Tuck?”

“I want that citrus one.”

“IPA for me too,” Hen adds.

Chimney winks at him. “Surprise me, Buckley.”

Buck takes his sweet time walking through the bar and then he stands looking at the blackboard with all the beers listed for as long as he can. His glass still has beer in it, though it’s lukewarm, he gulps it down and places it over the counter. 

Taking his mind off of those stupidly pretty hazel eyes is a chore and it takes time. He doesn’t register there’s someone talking to him until there’s a hand waving in front of his face.

“Hey, Buck?”

“Annie, hi. It’s pretty crowded tonight, huh?” 

“Yes, you can say we’re busy.” Annie smiles at him. “So, are you going to order something or just stand there looking pretty?” She’s always nice to him and very friendly, but Buck’s still a little out of it and she clearly is as busy as it looks.

“Huh?”

“Order?” She’s still smiling at him. Buck thinks that the patience this woman has must be endless and he will always appreciate it.

“Oh, yes. Five pints. Two IPA, one citrus, one red ale, and the weirdest one you’ve got. I don’t even care what it is. It’s for Chim.”

“‘Kay. So, for the weirdest one? Are you trying to torture Chimney or just making him try something different?”

“Both?”

Annie chuckles and looks at the list, “Coffee Stout maybe?”

“Coffee stout it is. And the fried cauliflower and chicken wings.”

“Great.” She stares at him and arches a questioning eyebrow, “are you going to take all these pints by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’ll just make two-” he stops himself when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns to see Eddie standing behind him as Annie starts pouring the first beer from the tap.

“Need a hand?”

“Yes, please.”

“Hey, Buck I’m really sorry we got here so late. Tuck was having, and I quote, ‘a day’ and he took forever to come pick me up.”

As Buck passes two pints to Eddie, explaining which is for whom, he takes a moment to reflect on what Eddie just said. If Tucker picked Eddie up, this means something. Buck’s not sure what it means but it definitely means something.

“It’s okay, Eds. We got here early anyway.”

“No, but really-”

“Eddie, let me stop you right there, you have nothing to worry about.” 

“Buck, come on.”

“Really, Eddie, it’s okay.” Buck turns on his feet and walks past Eddie. “Tucker seems like a great guy.” He starts towards their table with three pints in his hands. “Come on.”

The beer helps liberate Buck from his inner struggles. Eddie’s still staring at him with that same weird fixated look from before and Buck fights tooth and nail to not get lost in those eyes again. He looks at Eddie’s hands. And his arms and the way they are in close proximity to Tucker’s and sometimes they rub together. But Eddie still holds his beer with both his hands. Even when Tucker puts a hand on his forearm. 

Eddie’s eyes remain on Buck all night. 

Does he want Bucks approval? Or is he asking for permission? 

Tucker seems to click with the group. The conversation flows easily between them and everything is going well. After his third pint, Buck starts talking more. At least he tries to answer when Tucker asks him questions. And he tries to smile. 

And stay.

His whole body wants to run away. But he stays put. He makes conversation and he smiles and he fucking stays. Because Eddie deserves this and he’s not going to ruin it. Even when his mind keeps running ahead of the situation, imagining how the night is going to end. He’s going to go home, alone and sad and yearning.

He could have had this. If only he’d opened his mouth before. 

If only.

And now Eddie-

Eddie will go home too, with another man, tall and blond and handsome and so fucking nice it’s infuriating. And they might kiss. And they might-

Well, he rather not think about what Eddie will be doing when he goes home; not alone, not sad and, without a doubt, not yearning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments make my day.  
> Come scream at me on Tumblr @adamngoodbuck


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The thing is, Eddie, that you and Tucker-”  
> “What about me and Tucker?”  
> “Is there-” Words are failing him and with good reason. He wants to know, but he doesn’t want to bring this upon himself. Why can’t Eddie read his mind?

Having the next few days off of work helps calm Buck down. A little. Not so much. Not as much as he needs to. But it does help. He never finds out what happened after they left the bar, he went home to sleep and the rest he rather not even consider it. He tries to avoid Eddie as much as he can and it ends up being much easier than he thought it’d be, but that’s because Eddie is busy and he doesn’t contact Buck either.

When Friday night rolls around, Bucks arrives at Maddie’s with a bag of produce and ready to help prepare dinner. “I brought portobellos and shiitakes. Though for the sauce I think mom always used dried pine mushrooms?” 

“Yeah, but I couldn’t find any either. I think shiitakes should be just fine.”

“Okay, and the portobellos?”

“We can stuff them?”

“With blue cheese? Do you have any?” Buck opens the fridge and moves a few things around.

“Yeah, second drawer.”

“Found it.”

Chimney is setting the table and Maddie is in charge of the sauce and pasta. Buck works his way cleaning the portobellos with a damp paper towel one by one. He progresses slowly, patting them down and taking off the stacks, going through them like an automaton, mind blank. “So... Eddie was going to go to med school,” he blurts out. Maybe mind not so blank. He wasn’t thinking about Eddie and he feels this statement comes out of left field. He doesn’t even know why or how those words came out of his mouth.

“Okay?” Chim looks at him, confused.

Maddie stops stirring the sauce and turns to look at her brother. “Why are we talking about this?”

“Wait. He didn’t tell you?” Chimney raises an eyebrow at Buck pointedly. “Buck, really? You didn’t tell her?”

“Tell me what?”

“Chim…” Buck warns him.

“Tell me what?”

“Oh, my dude, my man…” Chimney laughs, pats him on the shoulder, and turns to face Maddie. “We had a call the other day, Eddie had a close encounter of the third kind.”

“Shut up, Chim.” Buck turns around to grab the blue cheese, trying and probably failing to hide his face from Maddie and Chimney. He works in silence, smashing the blue cheese with some cream cheese, ignoring them, or at least pretending to. He brought this on himself with his treacherous mouth. Fuck.

“Do tell, please,” Maddie says while still stirring the sauce.

“There was this long-legged blond man giving CPR to our patient.”

“Okay.”

“And well, he turned out to be Eddie’s high school sweetheart.”

“Oh. Oh. Okay, yeah. I see.”

“His name is Tuck and he’s a doctor, Maddie. Tuck.”

Maddie snickers and Buck scoffs at her, “What?”

“Nothing, _Buck_ , just what does all of this have to do with Eddie going to med school?”

“I don’t know, I-” Buck keeps his eyes down on the chopping board, going at it with a vengeance with the mushrooms’ stacks, “it shocked me.”

“Yeah, right, that’s the piece of information that shocked you, alright.” Chim rolls his eyes and Maddie slaps him on his arm.

“Howie, don’t-”

“Don’t what?” Buck slathers a skillet with butter and puts some chopped garlic with the mushrooms’ stacks in it.

“Nothing, Buck, just- Nothing.”

“No, shut up, Mads. Chim? What is it?”

“Look, Buck, I think you know-” Chimney starts and Maddie shakes her head vigorously at him, but he just shrugs and continues talking. “Someone needs to say something, Maddie, it’s been three years. It’s enough. And this whole Tuck thing, I can’t deal with it anymore. It’s too much, Maddie, you should have seen them the other day, at the bar. He looked like a kicked puppy.”

“I can imagine.”

“I don’t think you can. And also, Tuck? Tuck, Maddie, is his doppelganger. Believe me, Eddie has a type and, oh goodness, the obliviousness, Mads, it was overwhelming.”

Buck feels like he’s going through an out of body experience. This can’t be happening. It’s not fair. “Can you two please stop talking as if I wasn’t here?”

“Buck.”

“Chim, please.” Maddie tries to placate her boyfriend, but he’s on a roll.

“We know, Buck.”

“You know what?”

“We _know_.”

And that does it. There’s pity in Chimney’s tone even though he’s trying to play it off as understanding. 

It still reads as pity in Buck’s mind. He lets his spoon fall into the bowl. 

They know. They’ve always known. Maybe even Eddie knows. Oh God. Eddie knows. Is this thing with Tucker a way for Eddie to let him down gently?

“Does he know?” It comes out like a whisper. A plead. “Does Eddie know?”

Maddie grabs his hand with a tenderness that breaks Buck’s heart. If she’s being so tender, it has to be because Eddie knows and he doesn’t feel the same.

“I think you’re misinterpreting what Chim is trying to tell you, Evan. And maybe,” she squints at Chimney, “that’s because he’s being so cryptic about it.”

“You should talk to Eddie before you jump to conclusions, man.”

The resolve that overpowers him feels weird. It feels like he might be getting ready to do something rash, but it’s his own reaction and even if it’s scary he decides to let himself go with it. “So I should talk to Eddie.” Buck storms out of the kitchen and Maddie and Chimney follow him.

“Not right now, Buck.”

“I should talk to Eddie, so I’m going to talk to Eddie, Chim.”

“That’s not-” Chimney tries, walking behind Buck.

“Just let him go, Howie.” Maddie approaches them and stops at the front door, grabbing Chim by the arm. “Let him go.”

* * *

Buck sits on his Jeep, phone in his hand. He tries calling Eddie three times, but he hangs up and throws his cellphone over the passenger seat before the first ring. He spends an hour or two sitting there, gathering all the courage he can muster.

_Get it together, Buckley._

He rubs his face and groans loudly. He picks his phone back up and calls Eddie. This time he lets it ring.

“Buck,” Eddie answers at the third ring.

“Can we talk?” Buck asks abruptly.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes, can we talk?”

“Yes, of course, wanna come over?”

“I’m- Is Chris there?”

“He’s sleeping. Is something wrong, man?”

“No. No, everything is-” Buck sighs, “I just need to talk to you.”

“What happened?”

“I can’t… please.”

“Yeah, okay, just come over. I’ll wait for you.”

“I might actually already be at your door.”

“Oh my god, you’re ridiculous.” Eddie opens the front door and stands under the dim yellow light. He’s looking at Buck’s Jeep with a lopsided smile on his face, the phone still on his ear. “Are you coming in, or what?”

* * *

Evan Buckley never considered himself to be anything other than brave. But, truth is, that regarding his connection or feelings or whatever it is that he has toward one Edmundo Diaz he is always scared out of his mind. 

He’s gotten used to living his life on edge thinking _today is the day I lose him_. Today is the day Eddie notices and kicks him out of his life.

And watching as he flirted with another man has made the spark of hope burn bright and dim out altogether at the same time.

He walks in silence and enters Eddie's house right behind him. “Chris is sleeping, right?”

“Yes. He went to bed early today, by some miracle.”

“Hmm.”

“Buck.”

“Eddie. I’m so sorry, I don’t even know…”

“What’s going on? You got me all worried here.”

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s never stupid if it makes you feel all-” Eddie moves his hands and gestures all over Buck, “-whatever it is you’re feeling.”

“The thing is, Eddie, that you and Tucker-”

“What about me and Tucker?”

“Is there-” Words are failing him and with good reason. He wants to know, but he doesn’t want to bring this upon himself. Why can’t Eddie read his mind?

“Yes?”

“If you two are-”

“If you finish at least one sentence, Buck, I think I’ll be able to answer something.”

“I mean are you two-” Buck keeps stumbling around, his own words scrambling between his brain and his tongue.

“Oh my god, what?”

“If you like _like_ him?” Buck exhales.

Eddie is laughing. From his belly again. That laugh that Buck always thought was reserved exclusively for him. And maybe it used to be and now isn’t anymore. Now it sounds vicious in his ears. It hurts.

“What are we like fifteen or something, Buck?”

“Don’t laugh.”

“I don’t think that’s the question you want to ask, Buck, so ask what you came here to ask.”

“You’re in-” He can’t say it. He can’t ask. The incongruency in his brain is taking over. He wants an answer but he also wants to live the rest of his days in blissful ignorance.

“Evan.”

This is the third time in almost three years that Buck’s heard Eddie call him by his name. It does something to him. The fire burns bright when those four letters come out of Eddie’s mouth. It’s cleansing. There’s a reason he doesn’t use his name anymore, but in Eddie’s mouth, everything is forgiven and forgotten.

Eddie’s staring at him and Buck has lost track of time again. Has he been silent for too long? Maybe he should just end this torture. “Are you in love with him?”

“No. Buck, really. No. Tucker is- No. No, no. Are you serious right now?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Eddie.”

“Fine. No, I’m not in love with _him_.”

_Him._ Why is he saying it like that? Fine, it’s all fine. “Oh, okay.”

“Would that be all?”

“Yes?” _No._ Buck knows it isn’t all. He just doesn’t know how to proceed. How to take the ultimate step to break his own heart for good.

“Is that a question, Buckley?”

“Look, I know, okay? I know you know. So just, let me go, and let’s forget this ever happened.”

“What?” The horror displayed on Eddie’s face terrifies him. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I want to know what it is you think you know I know,” Eddie sighs, “that sentence was a mess. Just be real with me, Buck.”

“We’ve been playing this game for so long and I can’t do it anymore, Eddie. I can’t or I won’t, it’s the same. You know I have feelings for you. You know I’m-” 

_Oh fuck._

By Eddie’s reaction and the way his face contorts maybe he didn’t know. Maybe he didn’t know and Buck is ruining everything. Blowing himself and his best friend, the love of his fucking life, to pieces for nothing.

“I can’t lose you or Chris, Eddie, please.”

“Fuck, look, sit down so we can have a normal adult conversation, Buck.” Eddie signals for the couch. “Please.”

Eddie sits down and Buck ignores him. He walks around the living room like a caged lion. His heart is beating ridiculously fast, completely out of control. He takes two steps forward and three backward.

“I’m tired, Eddie. I can’t-” he sighs, “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, I’m tired too.”

“See? I should go.”

“Please don’t. Whatever it is you think is going on between Tucker and me, believe me, it’s not. I’m not in love or dating or- no, that’s not a thing that is happening. Do you want to know why?”

Oh and does he? Does he want to know why? He dreams every night about why Eddie wouldn’t date anyone since he met Buck. He dreams about Eddie feeling the same way he does. He dreams about the day Eddie finally admits it to him. He dreams.

That’s all this is. A stupid dream that is now about to become his worst nightmare.

He doesn’t want to know why. He shakes his head and Eddie snorts.

“Well, I’m going to tell you anyway, so you better buckle up. It’s because I’m in love with you,” Eddie whispers, and Buck’s mind goes blank. “So, please, I’m begging you right now, don’t leave.”

Eddie’s still sitting on the couch, both hands on his knees, his eyes shining a little. And Buck can’t stop blinking. He walks from one corner of the room to the other and he blinks. 

He blinks away the tears that are welling up in his eyes because Eddie does feel the same. And he blinks away the fear of losing him and also the nightmare he thought he was about to live. The nightmare of misinterpretation and rejection. The nightmare of living the rest of his life without Eddie and Chris. 

Buck walks from one corner of the room to another until he stops. He forces himself to stop and he stands in front of the couch, in front of Eddie. “I left Maddie’s before we ate.” _Because yes, that’s the smartest thing to say right now, Buckley, good freaking job_. But instead of laughing or shrug him off, Eddie just looks at him and smiles.

“Are you hungry? I think I can make you something. What do you want?”

This has to be one of the most ridiculous experiences in Buck’s life. It has to be. They just actually confessed their feelings for each other and yet here they are talking about food. Right, yeah, that makes complete sense. “Whatever is okay.”

Eddie stands from the couch and takes a step to the kitchen.

“Is a sandwich okay?”

“Yeah.”

Buck watches as Eddie makes a sandwich for him. As if nothing had just happened.

As if his heart isn’t just hanging from Eddie’s hands.

“You know, our last shift this week? When you came into the locker room and I was talking to Hen and Chim? They were actually talking about you. At me. A shovel talk of sorts?”

Buck thinks he might be having a stroke because this night is being as surreal as they come. He’s about to eat a sandwich at eleven pm, made by his best friend, the actual love of his fucking life, after they both confessed they have feelings for each other and it all feels so-

Natural. Like this is the normal progression of this conversation. 

“They said I was blind as a mole. And I guess they were right, because, by God, I did not see this night coming. At least not yet. I think Frank tried to say something about it too during our last session, but I was not having it.” Eddie finishes putting together the sandwich and passes the plate to Buck.

“I only came here because Chimney forced my hand and I got angry.” Buck takes a bite of his sandwich.

“That makes sense. Chim was very vocal about us and our… situation.”

A crumble of bread from his sandwich makes his way down the wrong pipe and Buck coughs. “Our situation.”

“Yeah, this little dance of ours.”

“Of ours.”

“It’s been going for a while.”

“Yes, a while.”

“Stop parroting everything back at me.”

“I’m not.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him and turns around to put away the bread and the cheese.

“‘Msorry.” Buck lowers his head and takes another bite of his sandwich. If he’s reading this correctly, their feelings have been mutual for a while. He haven’t been misreading everything. He was right. They did have moments. Several moments. They just couldn’t find the correct way to each other.

“It’s okay,” Eddie reassures him. He stares at him. “Are you, though? Okay, I mean.”

“With this?”

“Yes, Buck, are you okay with _this_?”

“This, us, you mean?” His brain is clearly offline right now.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Eddie takes two long strides and joins Buck at the other side of the kitchen isle. “Buck, put down the sandwich for a second.”

With the sandwich now resting on the plate, Buck turns a little, facing Eddie. “What are you doing?”

Eddie places a hand on Buck’s waist and brings him flush against him. “I wanna try something, can I?”

Buck’s whole body feels on fire and he nods timidly. “Yes,” he mutters.

A pair of soft warm lips find his and-

Kissing Eddie feels nothing like his dreams. 

It feels like the earth and rain meeting for the first time, when the droplets beat into the dirt and dampen the grass. Like the moon and the ocean playing push and pull. 

It feels like gravity taking hold of him for the first time in his life.

He could get lost in this kiss and he’d happily go wherever this kiss leads him to.

What an incredible temptation love is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done.  
> Thank you for reading and going on this wild ride with me.  
> I had a lot of fun writing it.
> 
> Some snippets from Eddie's POV might be coming your way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments make my day.  
> Come scream at me on Tumblr
> 
> [@adamngoodbuck](adamngoodbuck.tumblr.com)
> 
> This fic is written almost to completion, so two more updates will be available in the next week.


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